March 31


How To Quit Your Inner Conflict For More Peace And Clarity

Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you just can’t decide what to do? Inner conflict can be a massive cause of procrastination. In this blog I’m going to give you 5 steps to solving it.

Everybody experiences inner conflicts from time to time. It’s easy to spend a lot of time arguing with ourselves and procrastinating rather than moving forward in the way that we would like to. It might be something like:

  • On the one hand I want pizza but on the other hand, I want my new dress to fit better
  • I really want that (insert bright, shiny object) but I’m saving for a holiday
  • Part of me wants to fire that client / leave my job. The other part of me is scared that I can’t afford to.

I’m going to explain asimple five-step Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) based strategy. Use it to resolve any inner conflict so that you can make a decision and move forward.

The reason we experience conflict is there are benefits to both sides of the issue. For example, firing a problem client will cause you less stress or frustration. Not firing the client means you don’t have the potential stress of finding a new client to replace the lost income. However, the best solution is the one that can incorporate the benefits from both sides of your conflict. If that isn’t possible then its time you set some boundaries

1. Identify the conflict

The first step is to identify what it is you feel conflicted about. This might be a conflict which is helping to self-sabotage you. Or it could be some aspect of yourself you feel uncomfortable with.

Once you have identified the conflict remember a time when you have experienced that conflict.

Visualise both sides of the conflict in front of you. For example, imagine that the part that wants to eat pizza is in front of you on one side, the part that wants to lose weight is on the other side

2. Imagine the first side of the conflict

Now imagine yourself stepping into one of those sides. Observe all of your senses while you are in this mode.

  • What do you feel?
  • Can you hear anything?
  • Do you see anything?

Whilst on this side ask the other side of you to tell you what its positive beliefs are about the situation. What is the goal that it is trying to achieve? Maybe the side of you that wants to eat pizza wants you to stop, take a break or give yourself a treat.

Is it trying to fill an emotional void, is the ultimate goal simply for you to be happy?

3. Changing sides

Now take the other position. Repeat step two and observe what it is like to be on this side.

Ask the other side what its beliefs are and what outcome it is trying to achieve.

The part of you that wants to lose weight may want more confidence, to feel attractive, ultimately it wants you to be happy

4. Finding a solution

Move out from being only on one side and take an overview position.

This is where you stand above and apart from the two sides. Imagine that you are now an impartial observer.

Ask each side what would be a satisfactory solution for both sides.

You also want to perform an ecology check on any proposed solutions. This is where you make sure that the outcome does not conflict with any other desires or beliefs that you hold. Maybe a solution that would be acceptable to both sides is to give yourself a low-calorie treat.

5. Implementation

This new idea is a composite of both of the original two sides.

Ask yourself how this new solution will make you feel, will it achieve the outcome you want?

If something still doesn’t feel right, look to the future.  See how this new idea serves all other areas of your life. Is the treat you decided to give yourself something you can’t afford? Then you need to find a different solution to avoid the inner conflict cropping up

If the solution feels right try out the new idea in real life and see how it performs.

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