Mindset Shifts To Be Happier

1 | You Don't Need To Rescue People

If like me you're a "giver" it's really easy to become so overloaded with looking after others that you put yourself last. But putting others first constantly will leave you burned out and resentful

Just because somebody asks for help it doesn't mean you have to say yes. And you also don't have to rescue people who need help, especially if they haven't asked. I'm sure you've heard the expression "killing them with kindness" ...other people often need to find their own path and make their own mistakes

I cover topics like  saying no and setting boundaries in my blog but right now I want you to start telling yourself that you can't give from an empty cup

QUESTION FOR REFLECTION: What can you stop doing or say no to TODAY so that you can make time to recharge your batteries and be happier?

2 | Guilt Is A Wasted Emotion

Women spent a whole lot of mental energy on guilt and when you are feeling guilty you sure as hell aren't happy. Give up the guilt and you will be happier!

It could be guilt that you left work early, or guilt that you stayed late at work and missed time with the kids. Maybe it's guilt that the house isn't a clean as we would like.. or worse still as clean as we think it "should" be.

When you notice yourself feeling guilty STOP!

Instead ask yourself...

"Where is this feeling coming from?" ​

Is it coming from your beliefs about how a "good wife / mum / daughter / friend" etc. does things? In which case how can you reframe your thoughts? So... as a recovering perfectionist I often tell myself "done is better than perfect"

Or is it because you know deep down that it's time to put down your digital device of choice. Maybe you need to switch off the soaps (or in my case Netflix) and do something constructive...

QUESTION FOR REFLECTION: When was the last time you felt guilty and what was the guilty feeling telling you? Do you have to change something or do you have to reframe the situation?

3 | You Get What You Focus On

This one saved my life several year ago. Ongoing work related stress that I refused to acknowledge until it was too late drove me into the ground. By the time I admitted to myself that there was a problem I could barely get out of bed. Stress turned into anxiety and depression that it took me a long time to recover from.

I had to walk away from the job that I had loved and at the time I believed it was the only thing I was good at... my job was my identity... I totally lost myself. Work stress however was replaced with money stress. It was a tough time and as a natural born problem solver I began searching frantically for the solution!

I learned that there is no one solution...

it's a journey. My husband scoffs when people talk about going on a journey but that is the only way I know how to describe what I went though. The truth is it you want "more" from life then you have to go on a journey to get it! Eventually you will be happier when you come through the other end of the pain.

A journey involves ups and downs. But THE ONE THING that kept me going was focusing on what I was grateful for. Every day for months I wrote a list of 10 things that I was grateful for. It's still my go to technique to lift me when life isn't going the way I want it to.

If you focus on how awful your life is you will feel bad and the negative downward spiral starts. If you focus on what you are grateful for you will realise how lucky you really are! Focusing on the good stuff lifts your energy and you start to notice more opportunities

QUESTION FOR REFLECTION: What 10 things are you grateful for? If you are feeling down / stuck / lost then make a list of 100 things you are grateful for!

4 | There Is No Failure Only Feedback

When I tell clients "there is no failure only feedback" they either get it instantly or look slightly confused.

For example my son failed a Chemistry test at school, in his mind it was black and white... he failed! BUT worse still he actually interpreted the result as he was a failure!

We sat down and reframed the situation...

We looked for the feedback. Maybe he didn't revise enough. Maybe he didn't read the questions on the test properly. Maybe he didn't understand something he had been taught in class and needed to ask for help in lessons.

Looking for the feedback in the situation meant he could stop beating himself up. He knew what he needed to do differently next time

QUESTION FOR REFLECTION: What "failure" do you beat yourself up about? What feedback can you take away from the situation that could help you in the future?

5 | You Decide The Rules

When I was originally thinking about my top mindset shifts I wrote number 5 as "there are no rules"...

But actually if you want to be successful at anything including being happier then you do need rules because if you want more from life then you must step out of your comfort zone and that can be hard to do and it can be VERY hard to do consistently, especially when life throws us a curve ball or we are just having one of those days where all we want to do is binge watch Netflix.

You choose what you want from life...

So when YOU choose what YOU, and YOU (not social convention or habit) decide the rules you are more likely to stick to them when the going gets tough (because it will)

QUESTION FOR REFLECTION: Which mindset shift will make the biggest difference right NOW if you adopt it as your own?

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